Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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