David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
