So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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