Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
