We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
