So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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