I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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