The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
