Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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