In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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