You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
