the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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