All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
