honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
