We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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