Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
