so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
