I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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