You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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