Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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