1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we have pet lesbian snakes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
