So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
