Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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