Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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