i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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