I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
