She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
