So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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