i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
