I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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