that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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