i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
