Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
