Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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