I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
