i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
