I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
