i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just google imaged poop.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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