I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
