im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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