ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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