Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
