Apparently you make a good broom.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's blow job season.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
