Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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