She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
