Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
