Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I touched a dick in church today
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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