What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
