i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
