Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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